It feels quite fitting that the first few words I type on this blog should be “WTF”. So let it be that the birth of Wonder-parent starts with one big WTF.
Some people have birthing stories, I give you my blog birth story below.
“Birthing a blog is like walking into Target with a list of two items: delusional.”- Me.
Did someone say starting a blog is easy? I’d like to have a little conversation with them, if possible. Clearly, they were not a child of the seventies. This is the second blog of my life and somewhere between the early 2000’s with Blogspot and December of 2018, sh*t got real. I know there are millions of you out there creating websites , doing fancy graphic design and really ramping up this industry, but that’s not me and I’m quite lost. Let’s just say that I’m very thankful the “undo” button hasn’t changed in the last two decades.
For starters, please visit my ABOUT ME page to learn how I got to this very point in time. I’m very proud of my ABOUT ME page because it took me 3 hours to complete it. Click HERE. Please don’t mind the random picture I can’t seem to rotate.
I had prepared myself to start this blog for quite some time, but I have been actively researching what it involves for a few weeks. I used a lovely Youtube video provided by Danelle at Weed ‘Em and Reap (one of MY favorite blogs in case you are interested in homesteading in your downtime), took notes, decided that I can totally do this and dove into the internet head first. Apparently I’d forgotten that in this metaphor, I don’t swim. Not even a little. I don’t know the first thing about the internet, so while every blogger out there has a “here’s what you need to do to start a blog” blurb – they are all a bunch of liars, as far as I am concerned. I’m sorry to say (#sorrynotsorry) that it’s not easy at all. In fact, it’s quite difficult and I don’t find it the least bit intuitive. So I’m going to Bridget Jones my way through this and just wing it.
Two weeks and many hours later, I have this blank blog template (*takes a bow*), my about-me page (with a sideways picture that is driving me crazy), other buttons that don’t work and that have the wrong names. But hey! It’s a start. What’s that saying? “Rome wasn’t built in a day?” Yah. Neither was this blog.
I’m also still waiting on a logo. Danelle at Weed Em and Reap mentioned that Fiverr.com is a wonderful website for logo designs, and so far, I’m not sold. My first experience with a logo-designer was two-steps shy of harassment. I asked the guy if he could make me a logo and he said yes. I paid him $25 and then promptly realized he doesn’t speak English. We went back and forth for a looooooong time and then I decided I didn’t have time for this. Here is an actual excerpt of my conversation with He-who-shall-not-be-named-the-middle-eastern-student-who calls-me-sir-and-speaks-in-circles.
Me: I have to cancel my order.
Him: Why sirrr? Whyy?
Me: Because we are not communicating and I don’t think you understand what I’m needing.
Him: Please visit my gig at the end I discuss that before order first msg me.
Me: Okay, but I don’t want the product anymore. And I don’t actually know what you’re saying. And you don’t know what I’m saying. So this can’t work.
Him: But sirrr why? Even I m busy I m buy in my exam
Me: I wish you the best of luck on your exams. Actually, you should be studying, not talking to me. So please cancel the order.
Him: sir. Sir. Plzzz respond. Sir. Pllllz sir. Sirrrrr. Plllzzzz.
Me:
Him: hiiiiiii are you there???? hiiiiiii …. hlooooooo
Me: DUDE. Please stop messaging me so much. This is not a good fit. I’ve canceled the order. Goodbye.
Him: But sir you can t camcel it. Why u camcel?
Me: I “cancel” because after 4 days, I asked you for a DOG and you put a hot-dog in my logo. I cancel because your idea doesn’t match my requests. I ask for pastels and you gave me hot pink. This isn’t going to work . I can’t explain life to you. Please do well on your exams.
Him: no issue sir I wait.
Me: No. See? You’re not comprehending me. We are not waiting. We are canceling.
Him: Sir sir plzzzzzz.
And so on and so forth. Believe me, I felt sorry for the bloke but there comes a time when you just need to cut the cord and move on. I can’t have a “blind leading the blind” motto here. I need help from those who know what they are doing because I can barely make it on my own.
So at this point, next step includes :
1- Putting in the logo. Here’s hoping the new girl works out better than the last guy. Fiverr.com is getting its second chance .
2- Figuring out how to make my buttons work. Sounds easy enough.
3- Add some widgets. Because wordpress recommends it and I think I understand what they are now.
4- Watch some more tutorials and upgrade this baby one small step at a time (since every step takes me seven times longer than everyone else so I’m technically blogging in dog years).
6- Figure out to make an email sign up list for a newsletter.
7- Figure out how to take “testing, testing” out of every blog post.
8- Keep on blogging. Now THAT is the easy part for me. Now to somehow attract readers…
So I give you , the birth of my blog. Some people have marvelous and inspiring real-life birthing stories. My friend, for example, carried twins for 9 months, skipped down the hall until her due date and sneezed and out came the babies. Meanwhile, I had quite the opposite experience with 30+ hour labors, lots of delays and drama, large lazy babies and many minor bumps in the road. It is fitting that the birth of my blog follows that same trend.