Ahh…. good ‘ole potty training.
If you’re reading this post, it means you’re a devoted parent who has dedicated themselves to a diaper-less life. It also means you’re desperate and need help.
I got you.
Because I understand that toddlers are little dictators and deciding that the picky, chicken-nugget-only, tantrum-throwing-phase is also the perfect time to incorporate a life skill like potty-training, is a daunting task.
That’s why I’m here. To help you.
Because I can confirm that you’re not alone.
You’re not.
POTTY TRAINING IS HARD
If there is one topic I’m asked about daily, it’s potty training. More than fevers, more than illness, more than anything.
Please don’t suffer in silence anymore. Potty training is HARD.
Kids don’t come with manuals and no two children are alike. Maybe someone gave you unsolicited advice because it miraculously worked for their child, but that doesn’t mean that you fail if it doesn’t work for you.
Let’s pause quickly for a couple of quick disclaimers:
(The first disclosure is that there may be affiliate links in this post which means if you click on them, you may accidentally make me rich because I may make a small commission if you buy the product. This has yet to actually happen, but I like to warn people of the risks and benefits in every situation. Also, I don’t actually know how to use computers so none of the links may actually work).
(Second, this blog is a personal blog written and edited by me. It represents my opinion but doesn’t replace actual medical advice. I share information with you that I feel would be helpful to any parent, but it shouldn’t replace a visit with your doctor because they know you, your medical history and your child best).
With that being said, let’s get back to potty training. There are so many sources out there about potty training that it can become quite overwhelming.
Potty training in 3 days!
Potty training in 1 day!
Potty training made easy!
Potty training on the go!
The busy mom’s guide to potty training!
No mess potty training!
Ha. Ha. Ha.
On that last one.
How many of those have you read? And how many people have given you unsolicited advice so far? The answer is usually too many. While everyone seems an expert in potty training, few people actually are. The truth is, and I really hope you’re listening, there is no magic key to potty training.
I repeat:
THERE IS NO MAGIC SOLUTION TO POTTY TRAINING.
And there is only one take home message regarding potty training. This is something I repeat ad nauseam to my families daily.
POTTY TRAINING NEEDS TO HAPPEN ON THE CHILD’S TERMS.
Please don’t rush it.
This is straight from the mouths of pediatricians and countless pediatric specialists.
It doesn’t matter if they’re talking, walking or already doing 7th grade algebra. It doesn’t matter if they are 18 months old, 2 years old or 4 years old. It doesn’t matter if they woke up dry, or say “potty” every time they just peed.
It doesn’t matter if they pull their diaper off, or prefer to run around naked all the time. It doesn’t matter if they follow you into the bathroom and flush the toilet for you. Early potty training is not something you should strive for; and it doesn’t guarantee them admission to Harvard. What matters is they CANNOT know that it’s important to you (if you’ve met a toddler, you know what I mean by that) and they need to be totally jazzed about doing it on their own.
Because if that’s not the case, you’re fighting an uphill battle.
POTTY TRAINING SHOULD BE CHILD LED.
Everything else in the parenting realm should be done on your terms (you decide what they eat, you teach them manners, respect, boundaries, sleep, etc…), but if you try to force a willful toddler into potty training, you’re going to regret it later. You’ll also likely have some problems down the line such as constipation, night time wetting or withholding behavior.
This is fact.
Trust the person who has seen thousands of families tackle potty training, seen them nearly succeed, and then watched the dreaded failure of regression, just because the toddler felt like he didn’t want to do it anymore. It’s just not worth pushing them into it.
So my advice is, wait until they are begging to go. Wait until they are practically going by themselves. BE patient. Be nonchalant. Don’t rush it. Don’t let anyone shame you into it. It’s going to happen eventually. It’s going to be okay.
No average, well-rounded person is walking down the aisle at their wedding in diapers. Everyone reaches that time where they are done with diapers and want to join the rest of the civilized world. Waiting until the time where your child is asking and ready to go to the potty, will ensure you get it right the first time.
Now that we have that out of the way, here are some other potty-training FAQs.
- Wipes versus toilet paper?
Once you start potty training, I’m a fan of toilet paper instead of wipes. I find that too many kids get skin irritations using wipes and the moist residue that wipes leave behind are a setup for yeast infections. Since they are going to be using toilet paper long term, I support using it right from the get go.
- Hygiene?
With that in mind, make sure you’re still nosy about your child’s personal hygiene until at least 6 years of age. They don’t actually know what they are doing down there. They still need assistance if you want to avoid infections, odor , pain and discharge. If they go to school, go help them wipe the minute they get home. Better yet, put them in a bath/shower and take a peak down there to make sure there’s no poop stains, dirty residue or irritation.
- The potty chair versus the potty seat?
Personally, I prefer the potty seat because it requires less clean up. The chair just feels like a delaying of the inevitable to me). However, you should really just pick the one your child wants. It doesn’t matter which one you choose. Just remember their feet have to be touching or resting on something. This means, that if you choose the potty seat, they need a stool under their feet in order to facilitate pooping. It’s very difficult to poop with dangling legs.
This is a good example of what I typically recommend for parents (affiliate link upcoming- if this doesn’t work, try google chrome):
- Pulls-ups or underwear?
Honestly, it doesn’t matter either. Both have had their successes. We chose pull-ups because I hate doing laundry. If your child is really ready to potty train, the accidents will be minimal. Pull ups are also handy for night-time wetting because that can take a bit longer for some kids. Do what works for you.
- To Reward or not to reward?
If your child is ready and willing (that’s the key, remember?) to potty train, they typically won’t need rewards. It’s okay if you do give them rewards at the beginning, but most children grow tired of the rewards quickly and tend to regress later. Also, try to make potty training a mostly neutral experience. Try not to associate any negativity with it whatsoever. That’s where things can really go wrong. The more neutral and blaze you are about it, the better.
- Timers and watches and gadgets , oh my!
All of these are fine too, and have worked for many people. But occasionally, they can backfire as well. Most will work temporarily, but then break , or the novelty wears off. My advice: keep it simple.
- What about subtle encouragement?
Another common error I see is when parents ask their toddlers “Do you need to go potty?”.
If you’ve ever met a toddler before, you’ll know their what their favorite word is.
Spoiler alert: it’s “NO”.
This means the answer to your question will be “NO”, 9 times out of 10. Even if they have to go potty. Even if they are doing the potty dance. Even if they are in kindergarten.
My advice is, don’t ask. If you see they are holding it and dancing about, just say “let’s take a potty break”.
But doc, what if they say no to that?
If they say no, just say “OK, let’s go in 5 minutes then”. The worst thing that can happen is getting stuck in a power struggle with a toddler and creating a traumatizing potty experience. Remember, keep it neutral.
SUMMARY
So in summary, even if your child is smart, bright, giving you all the signs that they are ready to go potty, make sure they have the motivation to do it. The ideal parent-toddler interaction should go somethugn like this:
Toddler: I go potty?
Parent: Ok, let’s go.
Toddler sits, nothing happens.
Parent: Let’s sing the ABC’s two times. (Sing ABC’s). Still nothing? Oh well. That’s ok. Maybe next time. We’ll try again later.
Later….
Toddler: I need potty.
Parent: Okay, let’s potty.
Toddler goes.
Parent: Good job! What a big boy. Now let’s go wash your hands.
Done.
The end.
Nothing majorly theatrical. Nothing negative. As far as you’re concerned, you can take it or leave it. It’s totally up to THEM to take the plunge (pun intended).
I hope this was helpful to some. Regardless of what has happened, don’t worry. There IS a light at the end of this tunnel. Just don’t rush it, and it will all work itself out.